Summery for the YEAR 2004

This entire year has been a wonderful year to me.. So much had happened in this year alone and I was able to once again, witness how God changed and transformed my life. Not only my personal life, but also, in my family, with my friends, Church, studies, in fact, all aspect of my life and in the world.

However, a couple of things which really impacted me or left me a deep impression in life this year, ought to be the admission into Bible school, the training in Bible school, the "saga" with HeeJung, the mission trip to Malaysia, graduation from Bible school, stepping out in faith to be more bold to preach and speak to total strangers, encounter with God and not forgetting knowing Pastor Joshua and team and Pastor Kevin and team.

It has been a very fruitful year for me this year. Namely the honor to see what God is doing first hand, in City Harvest, my life and how God uses people, events and things which I've underwent to reveal Himself to me.

God indeed is real. I'm saying these not because I'm a Christian but I know there's a God, He REVEALS Himself to His people... We, humans, are His people... Not only those who are Christians.

Let me get this straight, we are God. He is our very source. Whatever we have, whatever we own or will have, ALL COMES FROM HIM. We did not create our life nor did we create wealth, God did. So the life which we have, belongs to God. However, there's a difference after Jesus came to save the world. God says that whoever believes and CONFESSES that Jesus is Lord, they will have LIFE!

This life is no ordinary life. I've experienced it and I can tell you, whoever have tasted it will say that it's different.

Oh yes, back to the topic on "we are His people". Bible says that "those who call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved". Another scripture says that "if My people turns to me, I will be their God and they will BE MY PEOPLE." Get what I mean? Know what I am driving now?

It's like having a Father, and admitting that the person is your Father. If you did not admit, he will still treat you as his child BUT when you admit, you have more advantage over those who REFUSE to admit that He is the Father.

I can never forget how my prayer got answered and how I planned my life... In year 2001, after I complete my service with the Singapore Arms Forces, I told God that I wanted to know Him better... Now then I realized that it's all been fore-planned.

I do not have good memory but I've evidence of what I wrote in 2001 and I happen to discover it yesterday... It was rather amazing yet... frighening... How God remembers what you say or what you write down CLEARLY! How He reminds you of what you've said and done... Awesome yet.. frightening...

In the year 2005, I am looking foward for a WONDERFUL year to come...

God's goodness and warth

Since the 20th of December onwards, I saw the goodness of God and the reality of God in my life. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I realized it now but it can to pass as in answering one of the prayers which I had been praying for months...

A week has passed and here I am, still thinking about what had happened these pass few days. There are up and downs in lives and there are sure more ups compared to downs... That's how you see things.

Alright, let me see... First and foremost, I've FOUND A JOB!!! Glory to God! Besides being offered this job, I have also been offered another job. Remember the job which I talked about? The one dealing with kids? It was on the 23rd that I got a call from Penny, the half-boss of "my gym". Can't wait to start the job... Was supposed to help out on monday 27th Dec but... Something happened... Not for the bad... Anyway, yes, I did accept the offer, offered to me...

Next comes the offer from my grandfather's side. To help out my uncle in the factory. Over here, I was initally rather reluctant to go and help; namely, because it was rather far and I do not want to "pull strings" to be there. However, God opened my eyes. He had more than what I could ever think or imagine of. There are GREAT OPPORTUNITIES over here in my grandfather's side and I can see images of the company being listed up in Harvest Times magazine.

Over at my grndfather's side, I am able to use ALL the skills which I have learnt and put it into use. Now I know why Pastor Sy Rogers and why the bible says that all things works together for those who loves Him and that He will not let everything which we went through or are going through to waste.

If you think that God is bad, think again... If God knows that this thing does not benefit you or is not good for you now or that this is not the time yet, then it's for your good. God is not a man that He should lie. He is a GOOD GOD and that everything He has for us, is the BEST if not the most EXCELLENT in stored for us. So, why reject or even renounce Him? God is not a kill joy. When our parents are even able to give us what we want in life, (of course, not everything we want, they could or will give) how much more, our Father in heaven, who is God? How much more the CREATOR of heavens and earth? The One, who MADE us and GAVE us life? If that's not enough, what about God giving His ONLY beloved Son, who LEFT His comfortzone to come into the world, just like each and everyone of us, but as God, to DIE FOR US? If He is even willing to come and die for us, how much more will He withold from us?

Of course, God is God and He will never, I say once again.. He will NEVER die. Even if He does, He have the POWER to have it back. :) Awesome, right? Who else is able to do that?

I do not know what you've went through or is going through, but I really want to encourage you to fight a good fight of faith. Keep on keeping on and be persistant. If the violence could take it by force, if the "evil/ unrighteous" one can have what they have by being persistant, how much more if we persist on with God, our Father?

Friends, how great a salvation God has given to us. Without us, He is still God but without God, we will live a life without purpose, meaningless. Endlessly pursuing money, material things and things that WILL perish. Today, if you see this message and hear His voice, do not resist Him. Come back to Him. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son. Those who CALL upon the name of the Lord, WILL BE SAVED. Heaven and earth will pass away but His words will NEVER pass away. He is such a good God, why reject? Do you want to go through life, always pursuing endlessly and without purpose, for money? So what if you can gain the entire world but lose your soul and purpose in God?

Will you want to return your heart to Jesus? To give your life to God?
______________________________
Anyway, share a little more about my life to you over here...

I started my education with townsville primary school in 1983, a second batch of primary school student, but I did not do well in my primary school, namely cos I dislike my teacher and to spite them, I did not do well purposefully. Stupid right? That's normal. Because most of the students does that...

After primary school days, I went to Serangoon Secondary school for my secondary school education. I did rather well in my first two years in Secondary school but did not do that well after hearing other's say that I have to work doubly hard if I want to go to the express stream. Then I slack and did not do as well as I did in the past...

Then I heard friends saying that life in junnior college is tough and that I'll have many nights and days, burying myself with books. Even if I graduate, but did not have good grades... I'll still be an A level student... Next comes those who talks about life in polytechnic... They say that life in polytechnic is very stressful... people there are very selfish and will not teach you what they know but will teach only 1% of what they know... to those who needed help... Then there are those who says that life in ITE is very good. Everyone co-operate with one another and that they work together as a team more than the two above mentioned. Then I made a choice which.. I believe is the best for my life... To get into... ITE instead of the above two.

Anyway, during my time in ITE, I was taking part time interior designing while taking mechanical and electrical drafting design. After that, I took up Mechantronics with Temasek polytechnic but did not do well in my studies as I was overconfident. After that, I went to bible school...

I once was lost and now, at least I know... I know where I am heading and if you realized, it's how God prepared my paths... He used it all to build the life which I am leading.

My entire family is not saved yet... The place where I work in, housed lots of idols... :( However, I believe that I'm not there by chance... I'm not in Bible school for nothing... I am believing for y ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD TO BE SAVED, IN JESUS' NAME!

Wrath of God
I guess I am lagging too much in time... LOL... This is because it's only on the 27th that I heard of the earthquake and the tidal waves hitting Asia... Namely, Phuket, Sri Langka, Thailand etc... I thank God that there wasn't continual rain...

While hearing this news, I was asking God why these happened. Then I felt within my Spirit man that God reminding me what happened during the 911 event a couple of years ago... And how the people of USA began turning their hearts to God and how it's related to the book of revelation...

In the last days, there will be wars, rumours of wars... Earthquake and natural disasters etc... Sigh... but I really thank God... Cause there wasn't continual rain for the last couple of days... Ark of Noah came to my mind... The people were busy with their lives, playing, marrying, merrying, drinking, living immoral lives totally ignoring God. Then it rained for 40days and nights... The entire earth's living creature died, except Noah and those which he preserved...

Indeed God did promised that there will no longer be any flood with the likes of the major flood but He did say that there will be natural disasters falling upon us... As times goes, it'll be more and more counts of these happening...

I cannot play with life anymore. I need to be serious with life. Not waste it as when I want... Friends, do treasure the things that you have in life. Do not throw away what God has given to you nor ignore His voice... Come back to God!!!

Summery for the past couple of days

Arrghhhhh... Was supposed to be posting something yesterday but the entire computer suffered "sudden death" just when I was talking about my future and what do I hope to do... After that, my brother and sister wants to use the computer while I went down to Forum Gallery to meet Cheng Hao.

Was talking something about where I want to go or rather... which industry do I belong to.. Work wise... Since young, I've toyed with the idea of being a policeman, lawyer or even a singer... that's when I was in my teens years. Then I want to become an architect or even a interior designer...

Interior designer, yes I think I can. I love to draw and I've that skill, taken that course. I've graduated from Interior Designing course in 1997 and well, till now, I've not touched anything since. Have not even much of portfolio. Sigh...

Singing? As a career? I do not have the look/ vocal/ height/ body shape. Sigh... I feel that I am not good enough for anything...

After being saved, I very much want to be a preacher, evangelist, teacher, song leader, song writer and whatever God wants me to be. I am really lost... I want to be a Church staff but I doubt it'll be now. Anyway, after going missions this year, I want to be a full time missionary but... How am I to provide for my family? I just can't see what that is coming... It'll really be a dream come true if that all happens.

I've been through two years of bible school but well, I am still at where I am. I still have not forgotten what Pastor Joshua prophsied over me. That I will be rised up as a leader in 3-6 months time, that's when I put in efforts to look into my own life, to be a better communicator with the rest of my members but... I think more than prophesy, I need revelation from God.

I love kids... Hehe.. find that they are very cute and nice... Alas, where should I head to? Bro Colin, Sis Gillian and some others also told me the same thing... I think it's a serious thing from God to me. How should I go about doing it? I am at lost... Really at a lost... :( God... Could You let me know how and direct my paths?

Sy Rogers
I admire the courage of Sy Rogers and am hapy that God had done so much for Him. I learnt so much from him when he shared his testimony with us in Church. How a person suffered so much and became a person who almost become a female... How to deal with people and revelations of God's word, not condemning anyone else. Even if they are different from me or are sexually inclined to their own sex. Not talking behind other's back etc... Felt convicted by the Word he shared with the entire Church.

Wonderful rests
Thank God... That these few days, I have had wonderful rest. Enough and great rest. This was what I have been longing for... Hehehe... Felt so much refreshed and energized now... That was why when the clock strikes 12, I get very tired and dozed off. Wonderful, eh? Hehe... Kind of felt that I was like Cinderalla... Difference is that, I sleep while she have to be back home... Wahaha

Yesterday, went to look for Cheng Hao and took a couple of pics with him while he was working. Ahaha... I'm not gay. He's a good friend of mine. Someone whom I could confide or even trust upon. After meeting him, I met Alan, Ryan and CuiLing. Then off we went, to Hard Rock Cafe.

Hard Rock Cafe reminds me of something... A bad experience with my secondary school friends. Back in 1996, I was suppose to meet them over there... During the EVE of Christmas but I waited for them for FOUR HOURS and NONE of them appeared and I spent my time, wasted, there. :(

Anyway, old things have past and I am made new in Christ. I forgive them and yesterday, I had a wonderful time with Ryan, ChengHao and CuiLing. ChengHao gave a treat over there and wow... I was so full that I cannot take in anymore...

While having dinner there, I saw a girl over there, another customer. She looks decent and rather attractive to me. Hehe... Our eyes met for a number of times in a span of about 2hours or more but... I did not go and know her... :) Unlike of me... I dare not go and get other's number... :)

Alright, today... I did not do much, just proposed in my heart that I ought to update my blog and to do soe planning. In the morning, I helped out my parents in the market. Felt that I had a wonderful time with my parents. Helped out my mum to make the dough for the "tang yuan", a sweet kind of dessert.

After I've reached home, I went straight back to bed. Don't know why but was really tired. Before I rested, I was listening to the Audio Bible... Felt God's presence and when I was asleeped, I felt God's presence and even dreamt that God was talking to me, via the Audio Bible.

Was listening to the book of Acts onwards... Was dreaming half-way through that I felt I was being rebuked by God and that I needed to do something... Which I cannot recall. :(

Sigh... Forgetful me... How can I forget things so important??? :(

I do not want to be so forgetful. God, forgive me for being so forgetful. I'd wake up and write things down whenever I dream about the things said to me. Also, help me remember things that You want me to do. I pray all these in Jesus' name... Amen.

Another restless Night

Not pretty sure what's wrong with me. Anxiety? Nervous? Thinking too many things? I am not sure.. One thing I know... I am lacking rest and guess I'm also shrinking in size too... :(

Felt strange... Slept for about an hour or so again... In short, I have only rested about an average of 2hours a day for the past 3 days. Man... This cannot go on... I feel I am getting shorter but I do not feel fatigue at all. In fact, am filled with life! Hmm... This does not tally with God's words. Yes, God did say that we will have zoe life but He also said that He would grant His beloved rest... :( Cannot... What can I do?

Went for an interview with Andrea today. My Gym... Sounds interesting as this is a kind of job which I never imagined myself doing it. What's more... After I saw what it is all about, I found out that the job was rather strenous but does not look like a job. More likely to be like serving in Childrens Church to me... Only thing... Minus off the praise and worship, word of God and large crowds. This is like playing with Kids over there. One thing for sure, to educate the kids on the functions of their body and using different parts of the body. Because they are still very young, its to train them on how to use their five senses, hands and legs too.

Andrea seems very interested in the job. Well, thank God for that interest that she have upon the kids. If not, she would be thinking of earning "easy" money out of MLM. Alright, enough of her.

Haha... This time round, I got to see more of Davin. Davin is another Church friend of mine whom I knew when I was in Bible school, last year. This time round, I got to see how he meddle with kids, which is a rare sight for me. This is because he was in security ministry last year and secondly, he is now studying in Australia but came back to work part time with "My Gym". Glad to have known such a wonderful brother in Christ. Really enjoyed the time spent with him.

After having lunch with Dave, Andrea, Alvin and another gal... Whose name I forgot, I went down to bishan together with Andrea. Gosh, talking about her again... LOL... This will be short... Only to fellowship with her and nothing more. Really, nothing more...

Finally, got to get back home. Got back to bed and had a little rest... Say about 2hours or so before I prepare for cell. Thank God for the little rests... :)

While I was asleeped, JingJie, Rickson, Ron and Sis Gillian tried to contact me but.. I was way "dead" on my bed. As a result, I did not pick up any calls nor replied any SMS. Anyway, after my rest, I manage to meet up with Rickson, JingJie and Ron for cell group.

This time round, I don't know why... Felt that cell was a little strange, kind of like lacking of atmosphere. Thank God that after a couple of minutes of praying at John's place, the entire place was better... :)

Initally, most of them were like doing things for the sake of doing it. Like going through the motions. However, during the praise and worship time, things began to change. I believed that Sis Gillian was crying out her heart, asking God to do something for the cell. I did my part in seeking God in the same thing. GLORY TO GOD. He LISTENS to those who SEEKS and ASKS of Him. Indeed, the effective prayer of a righteous avails much to Him. :) Everyone experienced a powerful presence of God... Really thank God for such anointed meeting.

After cell, while on the way back, managed to get Sherman and talked to him. He look kind of burdened and downcasted. Found out something and well... its not good to write it all down here... :P

Fruitful day!!!

Hi blog, it's really been sometime since I've written something here. I'll do my best to record things or events which happened in my life in you as often as possible.Had a rather short rest today. Nevertheless, I have no regrets over the short rest...

Woke up at about 5am and thought was suppose to help out my mum but my dad came back. I actually wanted to continue sleeping but thank God that I did not. Reason? I was praying... but before that, I was watching cartoons... Hehehe... I love cartoons; they never die no matter what...

Alright, back to the events of the day... Morning prayer. Wow... it was really great and awesome, seeking God and lifting the entire day before it creeps off. It was a wonderful experience. I do not want to ever lose this relationship with God. This is the most precious time and relationship. First God, then parents, my life, then family... After that, it'll come to others... Not that I am selfish, to place myself third. Without taking care of myself, how can I ever be a good steward for God?It's been weeks since I last experienced God in the morning. I believe it was a desire within me that has been longing for the experience I've had during my 20months in Bible school. I will never forget that experiences I've had during bible school. The very tangible presence of God. Even right at home, I could worship God and praise Him all day. It's so awesome.

Time really flies but I am still in awe of how god came into my life and how He saved me. How He allow things to happen to me and how He turns my mourning into dancing. If there's a chance, I'd like to write a book about my life; how I got to know God and how Jesus revealed Himself to me and all the wonderful things He's done for me.

A little History of myself:

When I think about the time, in year 2001, how I've let Him down by leaving the Church. I must have hurt Him alot. To think of how He needlessly gave His precious life, shed His precious blood on the cross of Calvary... I felt that I have let Him down... but thank God that on July 2002, I came back to Church. Tell you the truth, when I got back, I was like lost in the crowd. I was totally lost and felt really lousy but glory to God. He brings my setback to be my comeback. He never leave me nor forsaken me. Through His servant, Rev Mike Connell, I was delivered by His outstretched arms and am back to where I really belong.After returning to Church, I felt a call to go Bible school. I felt as if God is challenging me to go Bible school. When I felt that calling, I told my Pastor, Pastor Aries and I really thank God for Him. If not for Pastor Aries and God, I'd not even be back in Church and would have led a lousy, defeated, broken life and lost my purpose forever.

My Background:

I came from a taoist/ buddhist family. I really don't know how to classify them but it's true... A mixture... Nevertheless, I was never in a Christian family or background. There are a couple of Christians/ Catholics in my family; relatives wise. Other than that, I'm just like most chinese/ asians... Brought up in a traditional buddhist/ taoist background.

Back on track:
Why these history and background? Well, I really thank God for working out a miracle in my life! Here I am, a first generation Christian in my entire family, with parents who were against me being a Christian and tried to do funny things when I become one. Who would have thought that my parents were the VERY ONE who would have PAID NOT JUST A MONTH, TWO MONTHS OR A YEAR for my entire education in Bible School BUT FOR A WHOPPING TWO FULL YEARS of school fees, which cost about Singapore dollar $3000 + Pocket money + Money to pay for the books + Transportation fees + Clothings + Laptop (about $4K) + Mobilephone bills + Internet Cable Fees etc... Who would have been able to change my parent's heart and bless me with these? Amazing eh? Not true? Try asing my parents and friends... :)

Okay, enough of those. Yup, for today... I enjoyed every single moment of this day. First and foremost, that I was able to experience God and by pacing Him first in life, things will be added onto me. I felt really blessed.

Events that happened:

I had an appointment with the Orthopaedic deptartment in SGH (Singapore General Hospital). Initally, I was thinking of transferring myself to Tan Tock Seng Hospital if they are not going to tell what is wrong with my feet but God did not intend that to happen. In fact, the problem was found out. I needed a repair n my Broustrum area (Hope I did not spell wrongly).

Before the consultation, I dropped my phone and did not know about it until a girl picked up my phone and returned it to me. If she did not do it, I would have suffer a lost. Then I was reminded by Holy Spirit that I prayed a prayer of protection over my life, my family and properties. God never fails. God protects, yes, even individual's possessions!Now that the problem is diagnosed, at least I know what is wrong rather than to waste money on trips, going in and out of the hospital. It's ever fun!

Out of SGH... Down to Plaza Singapura:

Man, it's been a real long time before I went to the City area. Did not have that much of time nor did I want to go town so much. Namely, I did not want to spend much as my parents do not earn much. Am from an average income family background. There were times I was not given money to pay for my books/ school fees/ have money to spend. So... That's a few reasons...Wow, was reading Rev Ulf's book again.

When I hit Plaza Singapura, aka PS, I went to get tickets for a Thai movie, Shutters. then lunch at Macdonalds. Strange thing... Don't know why a girl (not bad looking) kept looking at my direction. When I looked back, she looked at me and turned away. Hehehe... Wonder what's wrong..

Anyway, Shutter is a horror movie but was not afraid of it nor was I frighten during the show. It was not a bad show but predictable. Anyway, finally had a chance to watch a show with Andrea; a sister in Christ who have backslidden. Long story...

After the show, I met ZiJian (Church member), HuiPing (Secondary school friend), Alvin (ex-SOT classmate) and to my wildest dream, Kelvin! The one who composed the song "My Last Love Song". Managed to take the step to go forth to talk to him as I wasn't dead sure that it was him there. Kind of sad to have met two backsliders in a day. I am very sad to know the fact that Kelvin actually renounced God and also... started sleeping with another girl... :( What can I say? Who am I to comment? I do not want to compromise nor do I want to lose a friend like him. I'd rather take some time to get to know him before anything starts.

I'd consider today a very fruitful day. At least, it's not in vain in the entire day's "program". Tomorrow, I'll be going for job interviews. I do pray that I would get the kind of jobs which I coud impact lives... Tomorrow will be a much more adventurous day with much greater events coming up... :)I hope that whoever reads this will be blessed.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. I will overcome the devil by the blood of the lamb and the word of Testimony. My life is a testimony to all that God is indeed GOOD and He will NEVER FAIL!

Heartaching, anyone knows?

Finally, exams and all are over... and I'm back to my little world...

Feeling down today. Don't know why... Maybe it's due to the reason that I feel I am not doing the things I am to do. Felt very "under- use".Sure, I am called this and given that title to do something yet, I feel I am not doing much. Haha... How about givng you a title of a CEO/ Director/ manager but you have no resources, people given to you are those who are not interested in their work, have quit or ae posted out?

Bring this nearer to home... How about giving you a title to be a helper. The peope whom you are to follow up are those who are already backslided and some, either are not interested and those who are always out of town? What will you be left with?Funny right?

Maybe I am complaining but I really am at a lost. Really do not know what to do. so what if I am a SOT student? So what? What's the big deal when people despises you? Yes, even your very own members? Back stabbing you? Well, that's what I feel... It's like giving you the best weapons in the world YET NO ammunitions. Irony, right?

So what if you can be trained in the best training centres in the world? BIG DEAL! best educations, BIG DEAL! I'm gonna graduate? yeah right, nice to hear only... but actual fact, I dun like that idea. Not that I dislike grauduating, but I am toying with an idea... to get out of SOT now....Maybe I ought to even loo at myself. Have I been a lousy person? I really wonder why is it that I can have so many so called friends in Church YET no real friends. It's a real joke. Not kidding...

Kind of felt that I am broken in heart, dying... Who knows my agony? Who knows what I really want? I am not asking for much. To be placed where I can grow. To help those who are weaker... Feeling like wanting to kick away everything in life and not be in any place but in my room and in a way, waste time... Maybe that'll be fun... :( but I can't... I cannot do such silly and meaningless things.

Words of encouragements are good but... it's just like a poor kid who is a Christian, loves God, but stays in Africa coming to you, asking for meat and asking one question... I love God, my friends does not, why is it that they have food and meat to eat while I have only... air and rotten vegetables?

Am not trying to test God in anyway but really, am I in where I a supposed to be?


"Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... "

Yes, His love will never fail me. I'll be like King David... saying that which has been said in Ps 23 and also saying... God is the STRENGTH of my HEART, my portion FOREVER~~~~~~~~~